Ok, this is a bit of a read (6757 word count), but an important one.
I am not kidding, even if it is just one word, EVERYONE must comment, I need feedback on this one.
And please read the whole thing, I have made adjustments to formally posted material
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xGJf9SgKdGCvCqvC8rBftRqd7GyXl2wSnzAFQeyfVmo/edit?hl=en&authkey=CKWDr8MC
I have sifted through 1000 peaces of music and am currently sorting the 60 or so finalists
Wow, that was certainly quite a read. I was a little worried when I was reading the middle part of the story that it may be getting too over complicated but I think the payoff is worth it.
ReplyDeleteSo, I will start with my dislikes... I didn't like that the emotions Pin suffered were so extreme, like the suicidal bit in particular. Maybe we can just "dumb it down" to just overwhelming feelings and confusion would work a little better in my opinion.
As for what I liked... I really enjoyed the various different conclusions based on the players performance and also that you implemented the idea of having Pin face a boss battle while the auditorium is filled with lifeless puppets.
What I'd like to see is (i know this is one of my story concepts) maybe a little more use of Onette's Magic Extraction and Elequin's Magic Weaving used in the story, mainly because it would be bad game design to have the player learn about certain elements of the plot/gameplay and never really utilize them more than just to fill some plot hole.
But otherwise I'm overall happy with the end product. I think you did an absolutely amazing job "weaving" my concepts and yours together. It's definitely an ambitious piece of work but I think that it's one that offers a very rich story/plot for the players who want it. Great job Chris! And everyone who is reading this, please comment on it too because I agree with Chris that even the smallest comment helps. Look at this novel that I'm writing on here! haha, anyway. Great work!!!
Thank you, in my own defense, suicidal bravado equates to action hero behavior, foolhardy acts of bravery without considering the dangers, but I see wear you are coming from and will tone it down a bit.
ReplyDeleteI was mulling on the "weaving" subject and was having problems incorporating it independent of Onette's powers, which are sealed for most of the game. Some ideas I had involve her draining Pin's magic pool to heal her self in battle and including a few sections in the citadel where she is working with the spiders to animate new puppets. Though I should have clarified, her last section is all about her "weaving", she is using the energy collectors (a bit of magitech) to try to emulate Onette's power, process the spirits into a form that won't dilute her individuality and weave it into herself.
All going into draft 2, thanks again, next
I have updated the "upgrades and power-ups" list, just FYI
ReplyDeletewow that was alot of reading!
ReplyDeleteChris excellent work :)
Only one question. Onette gives Pin to a little boy but when he wakes up he is alone. Did the boy abondon Pin? Kali and Zane work well. Can we make that more clear? Or does that not matter?
Otherwise I cold see where Artur probably thought it was long but when I reached the end it all seemed to work very well. I think the story is finished :) Good work!